I used to hate Gwyneth Paltrow. Well, “hate” is probably too strong a word but I did find her to be profoundly boring, plain, annoying and just generally insufferable, particularly when everyone loved her so much after Shakespeare in Love. For the record, that film was terrible, her performance crappy and her Oscar winning absolutely ludicrous (as most Oscar awards are).
And then, all of a sudden, I loved her.
Well, not exactly all of a sudden.
Sure, Gwyneth’s hit some pretty low points: naming her kid Apple, for instance, and starring in the most offensive and obnoxious film ever, Shallow Hal. I’m sure she was held at gun point throughout the entire, there can be no other plausible explanation.
But she’s also hit some highs.
Her role in Se7en, albeit secondary, was striking (and not only because she and her foetus end up chopped in a box) and I really liked her in both The Royal Tenenbaums and Two Lovers (the simple fact that she worked with James Gray and Joaquin Phoenix gives her serious brownie points).
Unlike other actors, which I used to like but don’t anymore because they’ve become these annoying nut-cases, adopting every child as far as the eye can see and craving ever more media-attention (yes, Brad, I’m talking to you!, although I blame Angelina, that bitch), Gwyn’s been increasingly wise, low-profile and sweet. She’s very discrete about her marriage with Chris Martin (mind you, I wouldn’t be shouting it off roof tops either if I were married to someone in Coldplay), her kids aren’t pranced around for publicity and her movie choices aren’t all bad.
Her blog, Goop, is another reason I started liking her more and more. It’s a beautiful blog, great posts with a lot of focus on restaurants and food which, of course, is a huge plus. Gwyenth’s surprisingly a pretty good cook and I even had her cookbook on my Amazon wishlist for a while (but then decided to be prejudiced and stick to believing that actresses can memorize lines, be pretty and little else, otherwise there’s really no justice on earth).
However, the turning point for me was her guest star role in Glee as the sassy, sexy sub-teacher Holly Holiday. She rocked that part, showed a true penchant for humour she should definitely explore more and, boy, can she sing.
I like her more and more with each interview I read and pics I see, like this one that blew my mind.
Shazaaaam!
This is what every 40-yr-old mom of two should look like.
How can you be superstitious about Friday 13th? Who cares about the 13... it's Friday, wohoo!
I haven't put up a fashion post in a while and I have pics piling up like crazy so I decided to share a few pieces I've been chasing after during these sales (although human sizes seem increasingly hard to find. Seriously, no offense, but I didn't even know there was such thing as a size 20...).
Sequins
I love sequins! They're undeniable feminine and give an immediate party feel.
I particularly loving the contrast of sequin pieces with dressed-down and over-sized attire.
This D&G dress, I've been hunting it down... I need this bad boy!
So seventies. So cool. So perfect. It's the sequin blazer.
Big Wooly Jumpers
I hadn't worn jumpers in forever. I only had about 3 of them from my uni days forgotten somewhere deep down in my closet. But this last season I'm jumper-holic. I've been buying them in bulk, particulary oversized, chunky knits and aran jumpers.
Retro Look
I've said this many times, only because it's true: fashion-wise, I belong in another era.
I haven’t always been a bitch. I used to be Miss Nice Girl: warm-hearted, well-intentioned, good-spirited and obliging, always with a big, cheerful smile and kind words for everyone, no matter how despicable they may be. The female version of the Flanders kids, if you will.
And then one day I consciously decided to stop the farce and, as cliché as it sounds, just be me. I don’t recall what exactly triggered this decision but I can very vividly remember making it.
I’ve since been brutally frank, honest, candid and earnest, on all occasions, with everyone. This means I can say, with equal ease, “I love you, you’re the best person in the world” if I believe this to be true or “I don’t like you mainly because you’re overweight, ignorant and dress like a retired eastern European hooker” if I also believe this to be true of someone. And, yes, I’ve said both. Guess which comment was deemed “offensive”?
Thing is, when I’m nice, I’m really nice. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I really do my best to be a fun, supportive friend, a loving, loyal girlfriend, an honourable, grateful daughter and a devoted, generous aunt. I’m sure I fail on many occasions as a friend, girlfriend, daughter and aunt but, heck, I genuinely put my heart and soul in being the best I can.
But when I don’t like someone, I just don’t like them and I’m done pretending. I’ll be courteous and polite, in the strict minimum amounts required by society, but that’s it.
Let’s take my co-workers, for instance. I have a couple of friends at my current job that have exceeded the “colleague” status and are now my good friends with whom I hang out away from the office, exchange texts, meet up for drinks or a jog and brunch, etc. With these two friends I’m really nice, I bring them left over brownies I’ve baked the day before, go to the water-cooler to laugh and chat, help out with their work load… You get the picture.
And then there are all the remaining co-workers who I don’t like. Some are plain indifferent, I may not want to be friends with them but I’ll give them a warm “Hello” and might even ask about their weekend. But most of them, I really don’t like and even if I have to work with them day in day out, share an open space and spend (sadly) most of my waking hours during the week with these people, I won’t even make an effort to be nice. Screw that, I’m over pretending that I like people I really don’t.
The guy that sits at the desk behind me gets particularly on my nerves, for a number of reasons. First, he’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed and, because of that, he’s a nervous wreck: constantly questioning everything he does, he’s insecure and inefficient and whenever he musters up the confidence to do something without double-checking with everyone else on the team, he usually f*cks up, so it’s a lose-lose situation, poor guy. You can almost hear the pee trickle down his pants, that’s how tense he gets. Second, he smokes. A lot. He’s constantly getting up from his desk and consequently bumping into my chair (I’ll be wearing a neck-brace soon, I’m sure) and then comes back with an expresso and contaminates the entire open space with his nauseating nicotine/caffeine breath. Third, he’s got a A3 size picture of his daughter on the desk that freaks me out: she’s got this creepy Mona Lisa stare that just follows you around and I feel like I’m being constantly watched, with this icy stare piercing through my back. Ergh. Fourth, he forwards “wacky” emails and sinister pseudo government conspiracy theories, which should be reason enough to get him shot. Fifth, he tries way too hard to befriend me and join in the “young gang” at the office by making lame music references: he once asked me if I’d seen the U2 musical and, honest to God, I didn’t staple his tongue to his forehead only because I was out of staples that day. I would’ve, though, he had it coming.
I know, you’re appalled. I’m a horrible, horrible person. This poor man hasn’t done anything wrong, he hasn’t offended me in any way; quite on the contrary, he’s only tried to be nice. So I should at least make an effort and not roll my eyes in contempt or sigh disdainfully every time he says or does anything. But I can’t help myself, it’s like I’ve taken this honesty pill, I’m Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. (I’ve never actually seen that film so I don’t know if not being able to lie ends up being a good or bad thing. I should download that someday.)
I realize my behaviour may be inappropriate at the office but, hey, at least my family, who raised me with moral values and praised honesty as a virtue, will accept me as this true-talking bitch, right?
Wrong.
Turns out, being frank doesn’t mix too well with susceptibility. Yeah, I know! Crazy, right?
Unlike my cold-shoulder treatment to office-douche, I’m not mean to my family, obviously, because I love them to death. They love me unconditionally as I do them and I have so much to be grateful for I wouldn’t know where to begin.
One of the great things my family gave me was a sense of humour. We’re a funny bunch at home and mocking one another is pretty much a hobby of ours. Very seldom will you be praised in my family. We’re not exactly the supportive type: we’d rather point out your short-comings, poke fun at them (it’s always funnier when it’s true, right?) and toast to your downfall. What a laugh! Sounds cruel but it’s actually rather healthy and helps grow a thick-skin, learn to stand up for yourself, be an expert at witty comebacks and, ultimately, actually take into account whatever the joke aimed and improve your flaws. But there’s always the odd family member that seems to have skipped the funny gene and will ruin Christmas dinner because you made a remark you thought hilarious but they found insensitive. And adding “Jeez, grow up, will you? It’s a joke!” doesn’t seem to do much good, particularly when it’s your 60-something aunt. I know what you’re thinking: I should be stoned in public for being such an insolent, rude, despicable shrew. Perhaps, but this is who I am: I’ll say what I think, I won’t filter my opinions because of others and most certainly won’t compromise my honesty.
Listen, it’s not like I walk around all day insulting people. I’m not a sociopath, I know when to keep my mouth shut and walk away when I’m not able to lie and telling the truth will end my life/career. But when neither life nor career is jeopardized, I’ll speak my mind and act accordingly, even more so when I care for this person and respect them.
I realize this attitude grants me a fair share of enemies. If I were to be killed and there were to be a CSI investigation (let Warrick do the autopsy, please!), I’m pretty sure there’d be a long list of suspects (although I’d bet on my douchey co-worker).
You’re taught honesty is a virtue but try talking the truth and all of a sudden you’re Satan incarnated. Jack Nicholson said it best: “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” (although I’m sure he was talking about Tom Cruise being gay, Scientology bullsh*t and Katie Holmes kidnapped into that sham marriage, although, chronologically, this is impossible. Still…).
I've been under the radar the past couple of weeks but after the holiday season and a week off work (and the internet!), The Evil Twin is back in business and posting will resume as usual.
Year after year, for the entirety of my adolescent and adult life, I set down a list of 10 New Year’s resolutions which, invariably, I’m unable to keep. I don’t know why I keep doing it but I feel I need that road map at the beginning of each year to establish my priorities and focus. Do I actually use the list as a road map? No, of course I don’t. The goddamn list’s been virtually unchanged for the past 20 years, give or take. Sure, there are a couple of items I’ve crossed off because, somehow, I’ve miraculously accomplished a thing or two (bought my flat, run regularly, got lasik eye surgery…) but most have been crossed off because I’ve realized I’ll never be able to keep those resolutions and they’ll just sit there forever. Also my goals have changed slightly since 1990 (hence, having crossed off “Own a pony”).
So, here are my 2012 resolutions.
1. Change Jobs.
It’s a New Year’s resolution classic, always lingering somewhere in my Top 3. Even though I’ve only been at my current job for under 2 years, I desperately need to change again. Desperately. Let’s just say I’m glad Portugal doesn’t have a second amendment otherwise they’d need to come up with a Portuguese translation for “going postal”.
I took my current placement upon the promise of many wonderful aspirations and guarantees which were severely unfulfilled: blame my company, blame my bosses, blame this cursed crisis, blame my naivety… I don’t care why it been such a disappointment, I just want to get the hell out of here, do something that challenges me, work with people I admire and, mostly, earn just enough so that HR won’t laugh in my face when they sign my pay-check.
2. Run A Marathon.
I was soooooooo close to crossing this off the list this year but a health mishap this summer forced me to stop training. I still ran the marathon with a relay team (9k) but this isn’t getting crossed off until I’ve done the whole 42k.
3. Pick Up Tennis Or Yoga Again.
I love tennis, it’s probably my favourite sport, but had to quit when my previous job sucked the life out of me and my 20-hour work days didn’t leave much free time: I kept renting courts and not being able to show up so I just quit. I’ve got more free time now, just need to stop being a lazy slob. Alternatively, I’ve also been wanting to do yoga for ages, so now seems as good a time as ever.
4. Get Out Of Debt.
With my mortgage, it will be decades before I cross this sucker off but if I can at least cut back the day-to-day expenses and get my balance sheet out of the red (damn you, overdraft!), it’s a start.
5. Go To Bed Earlier.
This is new entry. I used to be better discipline with bedtime but it’s been getting worse and I’m so sleep deprived I need a 500-hour power nap.
6. Get A Better Attitude And Be More Appreciative.
I seriously need to be more positive, stop worrying about things I can't change and start focusing on the things I can.
I bitch and complain too much. I’m never content or satisfied and always want more and better. I’m not even talking materialistically, quite on the contrary: I just believe that there is always room for improvement in our lives and the way we live them (hence this recurring New Year’s resolutions’ list). I’m frustrated with my life and how very different it turned out to be, so below expectations. Still, it may not be the life I’ve dreamt of but it’s a darn good one, with a whole lot of health, love (the two single most important things in life), amazing family, friends, experiences and the world’s best BF.
Also, I might want to turn down my brutal honesty a notch or two. It’s all great when people say they love sincerity but when I’m bluntly frank – which is pretty much all the time – all those honesty lovers suddenly get real defensive and thin-skinned. The trouble I’ve been in and the opportunities that have passed me by because I couldn’t suck up or play nice with someone I can’t stand…. Change needed, for sure.
7. Recover My LP Record Player.
My parents’ old LP record player’s been sitting in the house waiting to be fixed for so long, it’s embarrassing. Plus I have a pretty decent vinyl collection (also my parents’, a very cool collection from their cool hey-day), it’s a crime leaving them to lie around.
8. Learn How To Dance Lindy Hop.
This, again, I was meant to cross off this year – I registered with a class and all – but turns out you had to go with a partner and it would be easier to convince my boyfriend to donate his eyeballs than taking up dancing lessons, so…. Still on the list.
9. Improve My Writing.
The dream of doing something professionally with writing, publishing or journalism has inevitably died: my life just went in a different direction and it’s too late to switch gears now. However, even if I won’t win a Pulitzer or a Booker and won’t ever be published in Vanity Fair or The New Yorker, I still want to pick up my abandoned short stories, get my portfolio together and then take it from there. Who knows?
10. Stop Bailing Church on Sunday.
I’m afraid I’m going to sound like a Jesus-freak if I develop this any further so let’s just keep it at this.
I've been on a short blogging-hiatus but I'm back to business and posting will resume as normal.
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and managed to spend time with your loved ones and get some rest, so as to start off the New Year with a bang!
As always, cataloguing 2011’s best albums was no easy task, particularly because I haven’t listened to most of the essential records that have been receiving rave reviews (St. Vincent‘s Strange Mercy, Bombay Bicycle Club's A Different Kind Of Fix, Fleet Foxes' Helplessness Blues, Florence & The Machine’s Ceremonials, Noah and the Whale’s Last Night on Earth… the “unlistened list” goes on and on).
Still, keeping up with traditions, here are my Top 20 Albums of 2011, in no particular order.
(Quick note: I have to thank my BF for giving me most of these records. He’s pretty much my music dealer and deserves due recognition, as he’s provided for most of my 2011 soundtrack. Thank you! Love you!)
1. PJ Harvey, Let England Shake
As most girls my age, I grew up adoring PJ Harvey: she was – and still is – the coolest thing ever. Edgy and oddly beautiful, she’s truly groundbreaking and genuine. She doesn’t write or sound like anyone but herself.
I was deeply intrigued by To Bring You My Love, my first PJ Harvey album, and found it difficult yet brilliant. Is This Desire was for a long time my favourite and I remember the thrill of buying the same t-shirt Polly Jean’s wearing on the album’s cover: I wore that top so many times the picture of the lips eventually washed out. Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea was pretty much the confirmation that this woman was nothing short of a genius (that duet with Thom Yorke? Heavenly!) and White Chalk, although under-appreciated, was the perfect set-up for what most critics have considered the best album of 2011: Let England Shake.
Summing up PJ Harvey’s 8th album as a cross between an homage to her homeland (with oh-so-British songtitles such as The Last Living Rose, England and The Glorious Land) and a war-record may seem odd and nonsensical but that’s pretty much what Let England Shake is: a concept album with references to all sorts of battles (from Anzac’s siege of Gallipoli in the Ottoman Empire to World War I, without forgetting Iraq). The songs are vivid portraits of struggle and conflict, with a strong political and historical undertone which made Polly Jean worthy of sharing the floor with David Cameron on Andrew Marr’s political talk show.
An album like you’ve never heard. And that’s why you’ll love it.
2. Feist, Metals
I love Leslie Feist, I really do: I’ve been a loyal fan since her early Broken Social Scene days and her Monarch debut, so you can imagine how much I was looking forward to hearing Metals.
Recorded in California's Big Sur with minimal post-production, Metals has a genuine, gritty almost acoustic feel to it, filled with rattles and thumps, breaths and handclaps. It’s raw, in a beautiful way.
Although I won’t say I was disappointed with Metals, Feist’s prior record The Reminder seems impossible to top and, admittedly, I had impossibly high expectations which weren’t, unfortunately, met.
3. Metronomy, The English Riviera
I mentioned these British beaus a few weeks ago and already hinted to their high ranking in this year’s Best Albums list.
A cross between an anthem to the British Summer (the record opens to the sound of cawing seagulls) and a soundtrack to a John Hughes film, The English Riviera is an incredibly clever album, with witty lyrics, sweet synths, sexy basslines and, overall, just really good vibes.
4. Alex Turner, Submarine EP
My favourite Artic Monkey songs are the folky, soppy love ballads, so when Alex Turner made a record solely composed of these sweet tunes, I was over the moon. Listening to this on a rainy Sunday, curled on the couch under a merino wool blanket, flipping through a book: pure bliss. And, as mentioned here before, the movie ain’t bad either.
5. James Blake, James Blake
Not since Burial’s Untrue back in 2007 have I been this keen on dubstep. James Blake is one talented boy who can write and compose eerily beautiful songs, set an out-of-this-world atmosphere and deliver stunning vocals. Although it has this ghostly, chilling undertone, Blake’s homonymous debut is warm and soothing. Plus, he shot to fame covering a Feist song so that alone deserves some serious brownie points!
6. Bon Iver, Bon Iver
I adore Justin Vernon. I mean, he could take a dump in MP3 format and I'd probably still buy, listen and love it. But, just as with Feist’s Metals, expectations were sky high for Bon Iver’s homonymous record and, when compared to For Emma, Forever Ago, possibly the most perfect album ever made when Justin disappeared into the snowy woods to nurse a broken heart, Bon Iver falls a bit short.
Still, the record stays true to Vernon’s soulful lyrics, gloomy melodies and eerie arrangements. As soothing as honey tea and a sweet ointment, the album unfolds as a sort of dreamlike journey (each song title is a place, real or imagined) on winding roads over snowing forests and shiny lakes. National Geographic gone hipster, if you will.
7. White Denim, D
I shamefully only discovered this Austin-quartet earlier this year but this record was such a pleasant surprise I had to include it in my best of 2011.
Somewhere between country and folk, with a touch of tropicalia and high-pitches, D was a real cheer-upper and overall really fun record.
8. The Strokes, Angles
After a not-so-great solo album, Julian Casablanca has thankfully joined the rest of the gang and created a fun, catchy album that reminds me so much of this summer I can almost smell sunscreen when I listen to Under Cover of Darkness. Although Angles lacks the hard-core head-banging rock songs that characterize the early Stroke, I think the pop influence is, paradoxically, what makes this record so special.
9. Lykke Li, Wounded Rhymes
This sombre Swede has hit a home run with her sophomore record Wounded Rhymes, charged with heart-broken and –breaking lyrics and melancholic melodies that make you want to sway your arms around and drop your body whilst you mumble the song with your eyes closed. Or maybe that’s just me…
10. Jamie Woon, Mirrorwriting
Jamie Woon’s haunting rendition of the old American spiritual Wayfaring Stranger, remixed by the one and only king of dubstep Burial, really sets the tone for this dark, earthy debut album. The hit single Night Air samples wicker chairs and Cornish pebbles: it doesn’t get much more organic than this.
11. Foster The People, Torches
Poor reviews let this L.A. trio fall under the radar but I have to admit really enjoy this album. It’s a no-brainer, straight up catchy pop. It was the perfect summer soundtrack with its clappy rhythms and sing-along lyrics: it may not be as nerdy or obscure as Tom Waits, at least it won’t make you want to pull a shotgun to your temple. Dance away your blues, my children!, and surrender to easy, breezy commercial pop: it will do you good!
12. Beyoncé, 4
Quite a surprising follow up to I Am… Sasha Fierce, 4 is a much calmer record, heavy on R&B and ballads. Although I don’t like most of Beyoncé’s pre-baby album, the few songs I do like, I really, really like – the irresistible dancehall anthem Countdown, the über-soppy ballad 1+1 and the incredible Love on Top – make 4 worthy of a high spot in our best of 2011.
13. Arctic Monkeys, Suck It and See
I think many die-hard Arctic Monkeys were disappointed with this album which abandoned their rocker darkness for wistful pop. Although Brick by Brick and other singles off Suck It And See are undeniably rock, this album values melodies over riffs and Alex Turner's clever wordplay and brilliant lyrics.
14. Wolf Gang, Suego Faults
LSE drop out Max McElligott has been dubbed both the new Byrne and Bowie. He’s great, no doubt, but I wouldn’t set the stakes that high… yet. But Suego Faults is a brilliant debut record. MGMT-producer Dave Fridmann’s touch is undeniable: catchy melodies, dancing tunes and strong choruses, it’s all there.
15. Other Lives, Tamer Animals
Described as a cross between Fleet Foxes and Radiohead, this Oklahoma quintet is one of my favourite discoveries this year: dreamy melodies, majestic orchestration, ethereal harmonies and haunting, sighing falsettos, their songs are epic without being over the top. It’s simply a beautiful record.
16. Cults, Cults
There’s a whole bunch of Phil Spector-inspired boy/girl duos this year: Jenny and Johnny, She & Him, below mentioned Summer Camp… and Cults. This adorable NYU couple, Madeline Follin and Brian Oblivion, hit it big with their sensation Go Outside: it’s a great introduction to their homonymous debut, loaded with sweet, catchy tunes that transport you to an innocent 1960s prom-night. What’s not to love?
17. Summer Camp, Welcome To Condale
I guess if Instagram were a song, it would definitely sound like this London duo. Inexhaustibly compared to above mention Cults, Elizabeth Sankey and Jeremy Warmsley’s debut can also be described as retro pop, heavy on nostalgic synths and catchy lyrics. Their homage to the eighties goes as far as sampling Kelly LeBrock in John Hughes' Weird Science.
18. The Tree Of Life, OST
This is cheating a bit because the actual soundtrack of The Tree of Life only has Alexandre Desplat’s score which is shot-yourself-in-between-the-eyes boring. The tracks and songs, however, borrowed for The Tree of Life are a selection of the most beautiful masterpieces ever composed. Far from being a connoisseur, I do have a nerdy obsession with opera and French classical composers (I blame ballet) so The Tree of Life was all the more a treat.
19. Washed Out, Within and Without
Ernest Greene picked his band’s name very wisely, as it accurately describes its sun-bleached, hazy and nostalgic sounds.
With a distinctive, repetitive keyboard-based tunes – much like Memory Tapes, Neon Indian or Toro Y Moi – Within and Without is sort of really good background music: it won’t exactly stop you in your motions but you’ll find yourself happily swaying to the soft, soporific, summery synths. Not everyone’s cup of tea, I’ll agree, but I certainly enjoyed it enough for the 2011 honour role.
20. Adele, 21
This album has been so over-hyped, I feel like punching a baby at the first notes of Someone Like You, that’s how much it gets so much on my nerves.
Still, rationally, I have to admit it is a pretty damn good album, with clever lyrics, beautiful arrangements and, most of all, incredible vocals. Just go hide somewhere for a long while, Adele, so we can miss and appreciate you.
