Year after year, for the entirety of my adolescent and adult life, I set down a list of 10 New Year’s resolutions which, invariably, I’m unable to keep. I don’t know why I keep doing it but I feel I need that road map at the beginning of each year to establish my priorities and focus. Do I actually use the list as a road map? No, of course I don’t. The goddamn list’s been virtually unchanged for the past 20 years, give or take. Sure, there are a couple of items I’ve crossed off because, somehow, I’ve miraculously accomplished a thing or two (bought my flat, run regularly, got lasik eye surgery…) but most have been crossed off because I’ve realized I’ll never be able to keep those resolutions and they’ll just sit there forever. Also my goals have changed slightly since 1990 (hence, having crossed off “Own a pony”).
So, here are my 2012 resolutions.
1. Change Jobs.
It’s a New Year’s resolution classic, always lingering somewhere in my Top 3. Even though I’ve only been at my current job for under 2 years, I desperately need to change again. Desperately. Let’s just say I’m glad Portugal doesn’t have a second amendment otherwise they’d need to come up with a Portuguese translation for “going postal”.
I took my current placement upon the promise of many wonderful aspirations and guarantees which were severely unfulfilled: blame my company, blame my bosses, blame this cursed crisis, blame my naivety… I don’t care why it been such a disappointment, I just want to get the hell out of here, do something that challenges me, work with people I admire and, mostly, earn just enough so that HR won’t laugh in my face when they sign my pay-check.
2. Run A Marathon.
I was soooooooo close to crossing this off the list this year but a health mishap this summer forced me to stop training. I still ran the marathon with a relay team (9k) but this isn’t getting crossed off until I’ve done the whole 42k.
3. Pick Up Tennis Or Yoga Again.
I love tennis, it’s probably my favourite sport, but had to quit when my previous job sucked the life out of me and my 20-hour work days didn’t leave much free time: I kept renting courts and not being able to show up so I just quit. I’ve got more free time now, just need to stop being a lazy slob. Alternatively, I’ve also been wanting to do yoga for ages, so now seems as good a time as ever.
4. Get Out Of Debt.
With my mortgage, it will be decades before I cross this sucker off but if I can at least cut back the day-to-day expenses and get my balance sheet out of the red (damn you, overdraft!), it’s a start.
5. Go To Bed Earlier.
This is new entry. I used to be better discipline with bedtime but it’s been getting worse and I’m so sleep deprived I need a 500-hour power nap.
6. Get A Better Attitude And Be More Appreciative.
I seriously need to be more positive, stop worrying about things I can't change and start focusing on the things I can.
I bitch and complain too much. I’m never content or satisfied and always want more and better. I’m not even talking materialistically, quite on the contrary: I just believe that there is always room for improvement in our lives and the way we live them (hence this recurring New Year’s resolutions’ list). I’m frustrated with my life and how very different it turned out to be, so below expectations. Still, it may not be the life I’ve dreamt of but it’s a darn good one, with a whole lot of health, love (the two single most important things in life), amazing family, friends, experiences and the world’s best BF.
Also, I might want to turn down my brutal honesty a notch or two. It’s all great when people say they love sincerity but when I’m bluntly frank – which is pretty much all the time – all those honesty lovers suddenly get real defensive and thin-skinned. The trouble I’ve been in and the opportunities that have passed me by because I couldn’t suck up or play nice with someone I can’t stand…. Change needed, for sure.
7. Recover My LP Record Player.
My parents’ old LP record player’s been sitting in the house waiting to be fixed for so long, it’s embarrassing. Plus I have a pretty decent vinyl collection (also my parents’, a very cool collection from their cool hey-day), it’s a crime leaving them to lie around.
8. Learn How To Dance Lindy Hop.
This, again, I was meant to cross off this year – I registered with a class and all – but turns out you had to go with a partner and it would be easier to convince my boyfriend to donate his eyeballs than taking up dancing lessons, so…. Still on the list.
9. Improve My Writing.
The dream of doing something professionally with writing, publishing or journalism has inevitably died: my life just went in a different direction and it’s too late to switch gears now. However, even if I won’t win a Pulitzer or a Booker and won’t ever be published in Vanity Fair or The New Yorker, I still want to pick up my abandoned short stories, get my portfolio together and then take it from there. Who knows?
10. Stop Bailing Church on Sunday.
I’m afraid I’m going to sound like a Jesus-freak if I develop this any further so let’s just keep it at this.