Oh my Lord… There are no words worthy of describing how f***ing fabulous this chick looks. Those shorts… This really puts the “hot” into hot pant.
I don’t know whether to compliment or insult her.
Oh my Lord.
Friday 27 January 2012
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Tuesday 24 January 2012
Friday 20 January 2012
Monday 16 January 2012
Funny Brits
Charlie Brooker.
One of my favourite Brits. No, scratch that, one of my favourite persons. Ever. In the whole world.
L O V E H I M!
One of the most underrated comedians out there.
Jason Manford is genious.
And, of course, Ricky. Sadly, not as funny as last year.
Friday 13 January 2012
Even if it's 13th, TGIF!
How can you be superstitious about Friday 13th? Who cares about the 13... it's Friday, wohoo!
I haven't put up a fashion post in a while and I have pics piling up like crazy so I decided to share a few pieces I've been chasing after during these sales (although human sizes seem increasingly hard to find. Seriously, no offense, but I didn't even know there was such thing as a size 20...).
Sequins
I love sequins! They're undeniable feminine and give an immediate party feel.
I particularly loving the contrast of sequin pieces with dressed-down and over-sized attire.
This D&G dress, I've been hunting it down... I need this bad boy!
So seventies. So cool. So perfect. It's the sequin blazer.
Big Wooly Jumpers
I hadn't worn jumpers in forever. I only had about 3 of them from my uni days forgotten somewhere deep down in my closet. But this last season I'm jumper-holic. I've been buying them in bulk, particulary oversized, chunky knits and aran jumpers.
Retro Look
I've said this many times, only because it's true: fashion-wise, I belong in another era.
The 60s:
DSquared SS2012 is so swinging sixties, it probably comes with it's own Quincy Jones' Soul Bossa Nova soundtrack.
The 20s:
Gorgeous Gucci SS2012
The one and only Leah Michele. at the People's Choice Awards yesterday.
This girl can do no wrong.
Happy Weekend Everyone!
Thursday 12 January 2012
You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!
“Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honour, I lose myself”
William Shakespeare
I haven’t always been a bitch. I used to be Miss Nice Girl: warm-hearted, well-intentioned, good-spirited and obliging, always with a big, cheerful smile and kind words for everyone, no matter how despicable they may be. The female version of the Flanders kids, if you will.
And then one day I consciously decided to stop the farce and, as cliché as it sounds, just be me. I don’t recall what exactly triggered this decision but I can very vividly remember making it.
I’ve since been brutally frank, honest, candid and earnest, on all occasions, with everyone. This means I can say, with equal ease, “I love you, you’re the best person in the world” if I believe this to be true or “I don’t like you mainly because you’re overweight, ignorant and dress like a retired eastern European hooker” if I also believe this to be true of someone. And, yes, I’ve said both. Guess which comment was deemed “offensive”?
Thing is, when I’m nice, I’m really nice. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I really do my best to be a fun, supportive friend, a loving, loyal girlfriend, an honourable, grateful daughter and a devoted, generous aunt. I’m sure I fail on many occasions as a friend, girlfriend, daughter and aunt but, heck, I genuinely put my heart and soul in being the best I can.
But when I don’t like someone, I just don’t like them and I’m done pretending. I’ll be courteous and polite, in the strict minimum amounts required by society, but that’s it.
Let’s take my co-workers, for instance. I have a couple of friends at my current job that have exceeded the “colleague” status and are now my good friends with whom I hang out away from the office, exchange texts, meet up for drinks or a jog and brunch, etc. With these two friends I’m really nice, I bring them left over brownies I’ve baked the day before, go to the water-cooler to laugh and chat, help out with their work load… You get the picture.
And then there are all the remaining co-workers who I don’t like. Some are plain indifferent, I may not want to be friends with them but I’ll give them a warm “Hello” and might even ask about their weekend. But most of them, I really don’t like and even if I have to work with them day in day out, share an open space and spend (sadly) most of my waking hours during the week with these people, I won’t even make an effort to be nice. Screw that, I’m over pretending that I like people I really don’t.
The guy that sits at the desk behind me gets particularly on my nerves, for a number of reasons. First, he’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed and, because of that, he’s a nervous wreck: constantly questioning everything he does, he’s insecure and inefficient and whenever he musters up the confidence to do something without double-checking with everyone else on the team, he usually f*cks up, so it’s a lose-lose situation, poor guy. You can almost hear the pee trickle down his pants, that’s how tense he gets. Second, he smokes. A lot. He’s constantly getting up from his desk and consequently bumping into my chair (I’ll be wearing a neck-brace soon, I’m sure) and then comes back with an expresso and contaminates the entire open space with his nauseating nicotine/caffeine breath. Third, he’s got a A3 size picture of his daughter on the desk that freaks me out: she’s got this creepy Mona Lisa stare that just follows you around and I feel like I’m being constantly watched, with this icy stare piercing through my back. Ergh. Fourth, he forwards “wacky” emails and sinister pseudo government conspiracy theories, which should be reason enough to get him shot. Fifth, he tries way too hard to befriend me and join in the “young gang” at the office by making lame music references: he once asked me if I’d seen the U2 musical and, honest to God, I didn’t staple his tongue to his forehead only because I was out of staples that day. I would’ve, though, he had it coming.
I know, you’re appalled. I’m a horrible, horrible person. This poor man hasn’t done anything wrong, he hasn’t offended me in any way; quite on the contrary, he’s only tried to be nice. So I should at least make an effort and not roll my eyes in contempt or sigh disdainfully every time he says or does anything. But I can’t help myself, it’s like I’ve taken this honesty pill, I’m Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. (I’ve never actually seen that film so I don’t know if not being able to lie ends up being a good or bad thing. I should download that someday.)
I realize my behaviour may be inappropriate at the office but, hey, at least my family, who raised me with moral values and praised honesty as a virtue, will accept me as this true-talking bitch, right?
Wrong.
Turns out, being frank doesn’t mix too well with susceptibility. Yeah, I know! Crazy, right?
Unlike my cold-shoulder treatment to office-douche, I’m not mean to my family, obviously, because I love them to death. They love me unconditionally as I do them and I have so much to be grateful for I wouldn’t know where to begin.
One of the great things my family gave me was a sense of humour. We’re a funny bunch at home and mocking one another is pretty much a hobby of ours. Very seldom will you be praised in my family. We’re not exactly the supportive type: we’d rather point out your short-comings, poke fun at them (it’s always funnier when it’s true, right?) and toast to your downfall. What a laugh! Sounds cruel but it’s actually rather healthy and helps grow a thick-skin, learn to stand up for yourself, be an expert at witty comebacks and, ultimately, actually take into account whatever the joke aimed and improve your flaws. But there’s always the odd family member that seems to have skipped the funny gene and will ruin Christmas dinner because you made a remark you thought hilarious but they found insensitive. And adding “Jeez, grow up, will you? It’s a joke!” doesn’t seem to do much good, particularly when it’s your 60-something aunt. I know what you’re thinking: I should be stoned in public for being such an insolent, rude, despicable shrew. Perhaps, but this is who I am: I’ll say what I think, I won’t filter my opinions because of others and most certainly won’t compromise my honesty.
Listen, it’s not like I walk around all day insulting people. I’m not a sociopath, I know when to keep my mouth shut and walk away when I’m not able to lie and telling the truth will end my life/career. But when neither life nor career is jeopardized, I’ll speak my mind and act accordingly, even more so when I care for this person and respect them.
I realize this attitude grants me a fair share of enemies. If I were to be killed and there were to be a CSI investigation (let Warrick do the autopsy, please!), I’m pretty sure there’d be a long list of suspects (although I’d bet on my douchey co-worker).
You’re taught honesty is a virtue but try talking the truth and all of a sudden you’re Satan incarnated. Jack Nicholson said it best: “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” (although I’m sure he was talking about Tom Cruise being gay, Scientology bullsh*t and Katie Holmes kidnapped into that sham marriage, although, chronologically, this is impossible. Still…).
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Back In Business
Hi gang!
I've been under the radar the past couple of weeks but after the holiday season and a week off work (and the internet!), The Evil Twin is back in business and posting will resume as usual.
Wohoo!
Click here to see how happy we are to be back!
Feels good, right?
Tuesday 3 January 2012
New Year Resolutions
Year after year, for the entirety of my adolescent and adult life, I set down a list of 10 New Year’s resolutions which, invariably, I’m unable to keep. I don’t know why I keep doing it but I feel I need that road map at the beginning of each year to establish my priorities and focus. Do I actually use the list as a road map? No, of course I don’t. The goddamn list’s been virtually unchanged for the past 20 years, give or take. Sure, there are a couple of items I’ve crossed off because, somehow, I’ve miraculously accomplished a thing or two (bought my flat, run regularly, got lasik eye surgery…) but most have been crossed off because I’ve realized I’ll never be able to keep those resolutions and they’ll just sit there forever. Also my goals have changed slightly since 1990 (hence, having crossed off “Own a pony”).
So, here are my 2012 resolutions.
1. Change Jobs.
It’s a New Year’s resolution classic, always lingering somewhere in my Top 3. Even though I’ve only been at my current job for under 2 years, I desperately need to change again. Desperately. Let’s just say I’m glad Portugal doesn’t have a second amendment otherwise they’d need to come up with a Portuguese translation for “going postal”.
I took my current placement upon the promise of many wonderful aspirations and guarantees which were severely unfulfilled: blame my company, blame my bosses, blame this cursed crisis, blame my naivety… I don’t care why it been such a disappointment, I just want to get the hell out of here, do something that challenges me, work with people I admire and, mostly, earn just enough so that HR won’t laugh in my face when they sign my pay-check.
2. Run A Marathon.
I was soooooooo close to crossing this off the list this year but a health mishap this summer forced me to stop training. I still ran the marathon with a relay team (9k) but this isn’t getting crossed off until I’ve done the whole 42k.
3. Pick Up Tennis Or Yoga Again.
I love tennis, it’s probably my favourite sport, but had to quit when my previous job sucked the life out of me and my 20-hour work days didn’t leave much free time: I kept renting courts and not being able to show up so I just quit. I’ve got more free time now, just need to stop being a lazy slob. Alternatively, I’ve also been wanting to do yoga for ages, so now seems as good a time as ever.
4. Get Out Of Debt.
With my mortgage, it will be decades before I cross this sucker off but if I can at least cut back the day-to-day expenses and get my balance sheet out of the red (damn you, overdraft!), it’s a start.
5. Go To Bed Earlier.
This is new entry. I used to be better discipline with bedtime but it’s been getting worse and I’m so sleep deprived I need a 500-hour power nap.
6. Get A Better Attitude And Be More Appreciative.
I seriously need to be more positive, stop worrying about things I can't change and start focusing on the things I can.
I bitch and complain too much. I’m never content or satisfied and always want more and better. I’m not even talking materialistically, quite on the contrary: I just believe that there is always room for improvement in our lives and the way we live them (hence this recurring New Year’s resolutions’ list). I’m frustrated with my life and how very different it turned out to be, so below expectations. Still, it may not be the life I’ve dreamt of but it’s a darn good one, with a whole lot of health, love (the two single most important things in life), amazing family, friends, experiences and the world’s best BF.
Also, I might want to turn down my brutal honesty a notch or two. It’s all great when people say they love sincerity but when I’m bluntly frank – which is pretty much all the time – all those honesty lovers suddenly get real defensive and thin-skinned. The trouble I’ve been in and the opportunities that have passed me by because I couldn’t suck up or play nice with someone I can’t stand…. Change needed, for sure.
7. Recover My LP Record Player.
My parents’ old LP record player’s been sitting in the house waiting to be fixed for so long, it’s embarrassing. Plus I have a pretty decent vinyl collection (also my parents’, a very cool collection from their cool hey-day), it’s a crime leaving them to lie around.
8. Learn How To Dance Lindy Hop.
This, again, I was meant to cross off this year – I registered with a class and all – but turns out you had to go with a partner and it would be easier to convince my boyfriend to donate his eyeballs than taking up dancing lessons, so…. Still on the list.
9. Improve My Writing.
The dream of doing something professionally with writing, publishing or journalism has inevitably died: my life just went in a different direction and it’s too late to switch gears now. However, even if I won’t win a Pulitzer or a Booker and won’t ever be published in Vanity Fair or The New Yorker, I still want to pick up my abandoned short stories, get my portfolio together and then take it from there. Who knows?
10. Stop Bailing Church on Sunday.
I’m afraid I’m going to sound like a Jesus-freak if I develop this any further so let’s just keep it at this.
Happy New Year!
Hello dearests!
I've been on a short blogging-hiatus but I'm back to business and posting will resume as normal.
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and managed to spend time with your loved ones and get some rest, so as to start off the New Year with a bang!
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